Relief

Today's Madeline's Party! On Monday I have to go backto school and I know it is going to be a rude awakening. This whole vacation I put school in the back of my mind. I know Economicsw is going to be hell on wheels. I need another play! *sigh*

My brain needs relief.......BIG TIME

Over

Tomorrow I am going to Madeline's for her birthday party. I can't wait seeing as this week has been really boring for me and I haven't hung out with many of my friends like I usually would. Some of my friends now are relentless on some things, but I'm not going to go there except through a meter. All I know is that at the party I will be around a close group of friends and it will be one of those Kodak and awesome moments.

Were almost past the holidays,
Christmas is over,
Another thing is over...

I want to be able to go back in time,
to realize my full potential and hunt for what is mine,
my life is really good, but I still find some flaws,
I feel like a big black bear shreaded me with its claws,
I want to move on,
I have been the pawn,
I can't be,
If not real to me,
I said I would know,
I said I would go,
I've done so much good, why do I want more?
Is that why I been here before?
Am I really that selfish...
I don't think I am selfish...

Puppet Strings

I haven't typed lately because of my computer screwing up. I hope everyone who read this had a Merry Christmas

Where is everyone,
the shadow is falling,
time is repeating itself,
even when I'm fighting,
you have sold you body away,
it was supposed to go to me,
I craved it with all my heart,
I was blind to see,
behind all that kindness of a puppet,
it drained at my chest,
now the body has been polluted,
I guess my pain was the best,
the best thing fro you,
and you did it with a smile,
I know now,
I would walk this mile,
A MILE to break my trance
my trance, of the puppet strings...

"Every heart hath its own ache"

Your Best Day Of The Year

This Friday is my birthday. I'm attempting to have a party but it is not working out well. O god! Christmas is in 5 days!

Beginning
Intro
Rapid
Tireing
Hazardous
Decieving
Annoying
Your best day of the year...

The Wind In My Heart

Well tonight is our Berlin High School Band concert. I have an Economics test tomorrow along with vocabulary so I don't have to much time to study. I have no plans this weekend yet except the Christmas party so I might be bored.

Inside the wind blows,
and the sounds of pain echo,
throughout the hollow heart,
inside my body.
I can feel the pressure of your eyes,
the sky here are grey,
the tears are the rain,
I can see myself inside me,
covered in a black rain.

This One's For The Pain

I just read this poem on Quizzilla and I want everone to read it; it is awesome.

This one is for everyone
who's had a hard time in this life
who cannot seem to find their way
without using the knife.

This one's for the little girl
who didn't want to play your game
she hated that you touched her
now all she has is shame.

This one's for the boy
whose father gets so mad
all he can do is hope today
won't be quite as bad.

This one's for the girl
who's father left her for a gun
she was the one that found him
and her whole life came undone.

This one is for anyone
who's been the fat kid in the class
who has hated their reflection
when they look into the glass.

This one's for the boy
who's parents separated
their hate for each other blinds them to
the child they created.

This one's for the girl
who had her "first time" forced on her
he pulled a gun and she laid down
her innocence taken in a blur.

This one's for the boy
who still wishes for the past
for the girl that he first loved.
he thought that it would last.

This one's for the girl
who thought pills would ease her pain
with each one that she swallowed,
peace, she would obtain.

This one's for the girl
her mother's words are cruel
she says she's fat, she makes her cry
her diet is now the rule

This one's for the woman
who tries hard to conceive
but after one more miscarriage
all she can do is grieve.

This one's for the girl
who's mother gets around
at night she listens through the walls
to the awful sound

This one's for the boy
who doesn't go to class
he's sixteen and a dropout
there's no way he could pass.

This one's for the girl
who couldn't seem to eat
she went for days without food
with herself, she did compete.

This one's for the girl
who gave it all to the wrong guy
he took her body and her heart
but then he said goodbye

This one is for anyone
who's had trouble getting by
who cannot seem to pay the bills
when money's in short supply.

This one's for the boy
who faces the regret
someday he'll see he lost the girl
he never will forget.

This one is for anyone
who's ever felt alone
they cry at night when no one hears
their pain is never shown.

This one is for everyone
who's had troubles in this life
just know that there are others
who feel and share your strife.

Being Me

Tomorrow is our concert!

When you have the right aura,
It sends me down in heat,
The way you toss your hair,
the way you sit in your seat,
I crawls into me,
and makes my brain fog,
and my heart dips in poison,
on fire like a chimney log,
I can't take the constant bounceing,
I just need some space,
but then I get lonely,
All because of your face,
I now hate more than love,
I again can't see,
I know what's going on,
I'm just being me...

Creator Of Your Greatest Fears

Just finished THE BIG ECONOMICS PROJECT!!!! .....yeah! I can't wait for this weekend because Theatre North is having a Christmas Party. I love Theatre North! I've said this to many times lol. Also this Thursday is our band Christmas Concert. I'm kind of excited, but I won't go to far. Here is a monolouge from my Book Reports, fromm Steven King's It, again.

No, it can’t be, it just can’t be! This is not real; this can’t happen! How could they be able to achieve this? Me, every little kid’s worst fear; me the “eater of worlds”, how could they hurt me? This wasn’t supposed to happen, this is impossible. I thought I was immortal! Ever since I disembarked here…
When I first landed on this planet I knew it would be satisfying. The aura of nourishment emitting from its core made my hunger grow. I started to feel truly satisfied as my vigor grew. I have eaten many planets before, but I knew from once I first landed, this was the “right” planet.
I began to search around the planet’s surface. The terrain was infested with green plants, like the plants controlled the land. There were rocky cliffs and small lakes about, all going to satisfy my appetite. I saw many different creatures that had scaly skin and heights that towered over the land. I sensed that they had small brains, and weak hearts. They would be easy to seduce and devour to for fill my diet.
So one by one I devoured these creatures. They had a strong taste that wasn’t that pleasant. It seemed that my appetite grew mundane and satisfaction began to disappear. The air became heavy as I never seemed to be happy. I then became weary and I needed to hibernate. After so much food in my system, I need to sleep to process it into energy. So I searched for a place to slumber, and I found these caves; caves that seemed to go down deep into the Earth. I found the end of the caverns, and built my home there. This would be the base of my own feeding ground. I began to sleep.
I was slumbering for a long time. It seemed that I would never wake, until I finally did. When I finally awoke were I had made my home had changed. It smelled rancid and it seemed like some sort of oil exuded from the walls. I seemed to have grown into my environment, and I think other life forms have been here to. I went outside the section of the caves I inhabited, and found that the caverns have been infested with thousand of pipes and concrete structures. Another race came while I slept and built these structures, but it made travel around the land a lot easier. When I finally came to the surface again, I was shocked to find the new species.
These creatures had a greater intelligence, powerful hearts, and complicated souls. They knew how to speak, and think. They had hair, and two small eyes, along with different anatomies. They would definitely give me the nourishment I craved. I then tried to go after one of them. It didn’t even see me, like I was just air. I didn’t know what to do, so I tried to speak to it. It then noticed me, but it freaked out. It thought I looked like a giant fly. Then I started to turn into the giant fly it pictured in its mine. I then understood what happened.
These creatures still don’t have as strong of minds as me. They see me as what seems to be their greatest fears or as their nightmares. I then turn into what they see and go about my feasting. I also have to use mind games sometimes, because a lot of them still won’t believe. “Believe” that’s the key word, as long as they believe they are mine. They will never be able to see the real “me” because their puny, insignificant minds can’t process it.
I found that it was easier to attack the younger ones, because they seemed to believe more than the adults. These “kids” were the top of the line in my diet. Occasionally I would get an adult, but most of the time it was kids.
So since then I would eat, then sleep, eat, then sleep, eat then sleep. It worked out beautifully, until now. Now I have met something horrible, something that totally vibrates into me, my match. I have met this past two months, seven kids, seven kinds that alone are normal; but together they are stronger than anything I have encountered. They believe in me, but they know how I work. I encountered them all first separately, feeding off their fears and inner insecurities. When they all met each other, they became stronger, formed a bond, and they came after me.
I finally met them in an abandoned house on the corner of Neboilt Street. They found me and I started my process, turning into some teenage werewolf from one of their imaginations. I went after them, but then one of them shot me with a silver slug and it actually…hurt….me. I screamed and recoiled back to my lair in pain….pain I can’t believe it…pain!
Being the “eater of worlds” I’m not supposed to feel pain, or….no I’m not afraid of them…. I can’t, it’s not possible. I am immortal…well at least I thought I was! They together seem to have a stronger…No, I will make them pay for this, and I will get them! I can feel their presence drawing back to me, to kill me. They can’t kill me, I am immortal. I’ll make them go crazy, I’ll make their greatest fears come true. I’ll get them back…here they come…
…they are going to come and their leader…Bill; that’s his name. He is going to try to out power my mind; the “Ritual of Chüd”. He will be crumbled in my “deadlights”, my “mind” and he will fall and so won’t his pathetic friends. I will have the last laugh, I will have the last move, and I will be immortal. I am immortal. Nothing can defeat me…nothing!

Economics

Today I worked on my monologue project and then I went over to Maddi's and painted. I needed it so much it wasn't funny. I still have stres, but it is better now. I have economics now.....hence this poem

You give out bad grades,
you assignmany projects,
and when your kids fail you blame them,
them.....them...
you don't correct it time
I can't stand your teaching ways,
All you do is make life hard...
you'll get yours someday.


Sorry I hate economics...

Theatre North II

I just got back from the A Christmas Carol cast party! You know Theatre North is the greatest, they are deffinately like a second family! I love all of them very much!!

The "Eater of Planets"

Today at school was cool. I had a pretty good day, no too many difficulties. I have another project though to add to my schedule, THE BIG ECONOMICS PROJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need a vacation from projects....Bad. Here is one of my easier projects I had to do, I poem I wrote about the book "IT" by Steven King.

In a dreary town named Derry,
Where the sky is rarely blue,
Down in its sewers,
Pure evil seems to brew,
This evil is the "eater of planets,"
Who came to this world,
To satisfy its hunger,
Great evil it has unfurled.

To get its prey it finds a victim,
Either young or old,
Who still believes in nightmares
And dark stories still told.
It baits them with
The profile of a clown,
Then changes its mask.
It's prey then will frown.
The "eater" will change,
Into its prey's worst fright:
A werewolf, a mummy,
The boogieman in the night.
The new monster will attack,
Physically and with mind games,
Until its prey loses sanity.
And it puts out all the flames;
Flames of the prey's life,
Will slowly be muffled.
Then the next form of the "eater"
Ends its prey's last scuffle.
This final form is the true "it;"
What the "eater" truly looks like.
It will suck its prey in its "deadlights;"
Their brains hit with a mental spike.
Then the monster has won,
And it will continue to feed,
Until it decides to stop;
Sleep it will need.

The monster has been doing this,
For about 200 years,
Until now when seven children,
Bring on "It's" worst fears...

Time

School is as same as usually.......AHHHHHHHH! I can't take everyday's schedule and boredom anymore. I need to do something, but I'm tied down by school work. This weekend I'm going to see Theatre North's A Christmas Carol. I'm not working in this one because of school, another reason I'm bored. o well Time to work on an economics paper, yay!

Who is the one drifting,
Me, or you guys,
I'm sitting, starving,
I can't see through eyes
I need someone, but I used it up,
now I have no more love,
my time is up...

World of Gray

I really sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I have been really into school work, and Christmas. I have been working a lot on book reports mostly and last weekend I had to go to my grandmothers in Maine. I haven't been doing any plays or projects and it is starting to get to me now. I feel kind of bored during the day now, like I have nothing to look forward to, for the past two weeks.

I want to flow into,
that world of destiny,
not here in this gray and white,
There is only a few,
and they are all tiny,
that I don't already spite,
I can't find any ephoria,
in this boring world,
of quizzes, drama, and "demode"
in the other world the aura,
the peace and sweet darkness,
what a pleasant ode,
but that is only a myth,
now in my life,
I need some more actvity,
or maybe a break,
from drama, homework,
and levity.

Final Bow

Today at school was normal...

You finally went to get your freedom,
You are gone from my grasp now,
You will now have a full-life of the ox,
I have taken my final bow,
You now are away from darknes,
and within your out your shooved me more in,
now I will make black return,
to the stuff you crave,
The robed man spke,
the one who deserves to win did,
but still it is bad for you,
I am not going to kid...

Into the Dark With A Beat

We had a two hour delay from school today. School was like running the gauntlet. O well.

Inside of my heart,
this beat seems to bleed,
into the dark,
now it will feed,
down into gray,
where nothing moves,
it is now the time of reconing,
to make my emotions groove

Model of St. Kieran Banners

This past long weekend i have had Thanksgiving, finished the window display, and painted a London scene backdrop, along with hangout with friends and type a 9 page report. I has been great, but it is time to go back to school. Sigh...

Is It Gone?

Well I had a pretty good day today. In English, I got a really good grade in my soliqui. I also had a good time in band marching. I went home and then had a peaseful night.

Hopes are fading,
my pictures are drying up,
I can't see your beauty,
You hardy anymore say "sup",
I don't seem to care much anymore,
I think I'm out of love,
ethier to give or just for you,
Its gone like a dove,
I just don't feel the pain,
of darkness that much anymore,
have I gotten used to it,
Or is it gone before,
I had many changing things,
I can't see you anymore...

The "Pain"

Well last night was an experience. I was with some friends and we got into a car accident. I'm not talking about it. Here is a soliqui that I wrote.

I’ve woken up this cold morning, just to find the pain of betrayal and heartbreak that I was hiding from when I went to bed. The air is still hard on my lungs and my throat feels like it has to strain with every syllable that I try to spit out of my mouth. I sit down at my dining room table and I run movies in my mind, trying to remember what happened to make my life go this way. All I see over and over is just her, in his arms. That picture is poison which seeps deep into my heart.
It all started it seemed at my friends house. I was in a happy carefree mood, because she was there. She has a special aura about her that makes everything seem warm and calm. I was going to ask her finally; ask her this question that was burning in my mind; the question that will bind me to her light. Sure I was nervous, I mean who wouldn’t be. When you ask someone if they want to be your forever soul mate, to be fused together in love, the wrong answer can just shock and destroy a person.
Well back to the scene, I was sitting on the bed next to her, and everything was fine as it could be. Whenever she brushed up against me, I would feel it throughout my body down into my spirit. That’s when the “plan” started. My friend asked her to come with him to talk to her about something. I told my friend before that I was going to pose this question, and he said he would help by softening up the blow for me by talking to her. I though nothing of it; I knew my friend a long time before and he was extremely loyal. The key word in that statement is “was”.
After 20 minutes of waiting I decided to go and see what was going on. I was totally blind to what I was about to see, and I wish it would have stayed that way. Then I saw they were in another room with the door shut. I then started to become curious to my friends intentions, and I stealthily listened to them through the door. I then heard noises that tore at my core, and the words, “I love you so much” from my false friend’s mouth. I open the door with such power that the wind that followed was a strong as a gale. I then saw the worst picture I have ever seen in my life.
There was my friend lying next to her with gestures of love flowing through the air. They both looked at me like criminals that were finally caught, and they laid their speechless. I still don’t understand why my friend would think I wouldn’t see them. My body was stuck in paralysis, and just as them I could move or speak. Then with a devilish grin on his face, one that would make a sink crack, got up next to her and held out a green box. He opened the box and it showed a ring. That is when I discovered that box was a representation of the envy I had inside me along with anger. He said slowly, “Will you marry me, and become part of me forever.”
Then as if she shot a cannonball at my heart she responded, “Yes!” She threw herself in his arms, and that’s the picture I see now as I sit and think. Why does it have to be me that experience this pain? What have I ever done to her to make her cheat on me with my false friend?
My friend, that person that brought the anguish to me, he will pay. That person with his wicked grin, with his iniquitous arms will pay. I know why he asked her to marry him, not for pure love, but for money, and only money, because she is from one of the riches families in town. He experiences the love I did, only to gain her fortune. I have been unmasked to his true intentions, and believe me he will wish he didn’t. They are going to elope tonight, and I will stop them. I will open her eyes as my friend did mine, and I will tell her of his intentions. Then he will pay for the pain, sadness, and rage that I have experienced. He won’t be able to take it. He will crumble under the throbbing feeling I am having now. Then, I will decide if I can forgive her. If I could ever get that close to her again and forgive her from her part in my pain is questionable. I will not let my friend’s “plan” succeed, even if it costs me her.

My Witches Cave From The Play "Snow White"

Well yesterday after working on the window I went to see the Gorham Players Production of Dr. Jackle and Mr. Hyde/Jolly Roger. It was very good, and I hope they had fun doing it. Today, were are finishing up the window for when we set it up Wednesday. It is looking really good and I will put a picture of it up on my blogger. Don't have to much time to write today, so I will try a picture.

Watching This Scene

Today was a bad day. It started out today when my friends were really annoying me this morning, exspecially my friend Emmit; he can be childish sometimes. Then in English I was getting mad over nothing; its so trialing. The rest of the day till Economics was ok;then I screwed up my oral presentation. Then I band Alyssa and Toby were being, well to be blunt, were being ass-holes. I'm so sick of school and it isn't even December. I want December and then summmer to be back with Theatre North. They didn't give me a hard time each day. Let me finish in writting...

It seems every day is a challenge,
You are there to oversee,
I go through so much filth,
Over just being me,
I'm starting to fall,
And you are watching this scene,
Others are harrassing me,
then they call me mean
ME out of all people,
who tries to be nice,
And You sit and stare at me suffer,
My heart turns to ice,
I just want to go back,
to when I was care free,
with you by my side,
I could just....be

I Need A December Vacation

A lot of school work has been going on, not much time to blog...

Days at school get longer,
harder to survive,
all the reports and exageratted grading,
I don't know how to strive,
Would it al change if I had you?
would it make a diference if another went away,
our maybe I need a vacation,
from the trials of everyday,
it's hard to wallow,
through poison and stress,
homework in there to,
it is all a big mess,
I just want December to come,
I feel it wil bring happiness,
less trouble and heartache,
All I need is less..

P.S. Madeline tell me when the Gorham production days are; I want to go to the play.

Darkness' Anti-Warmth

Well, so far this weekend I've hung out with Alyssa and Val, JP, and Madeline, Brittney, and Tyler, while juggling tons of homework. Its been really fun, stressful, scary, crazy, and kind of ok. I still have Economics, one of the most boring classes in the world. I still have to finish some notes once I am done blogging. Sigh! I also went to Wal-Mart(wow that was random I'm just going to write now).

The feeling of warmth,
I get in this place,
The feeling of the gods,
that I can't replace,
this wounderful heart candy,
that I get through skin,
nothing is as magical,
as the darkness I'm in,
It will go to someone else,
I know it is coming,
I just seem to continue,
My heart keeps on drumming,
I know it is poison,
Why am I addicted?

I Have To Make It Yeild

Today I worked on my window display some more. I'm so excited about it.

It is just a mask,
to cover the truth,
the poison will seep in,
into my youth,
I have to make it yeild.

And Yet

Today was my first day of economics. It is going to be a really hard class, but I hope to learn a lot at least. The quizzes are going to be a big challenge, seeing as he is weird about them. School is starting to get a little tiring. I need to go on a vacation.

Lately I've had the poison,
going through me everyday,
and even to this moment,
this feeling won't go away,
I did it before,
but I need assistence,
I need to move on,
or I might lose exsistence,
I hate this so much,
I start to hate everyday around you,
Every sadistic moment,
And yet, I love you to...

Surrounded At Midnight

This weekend was mainly focused on the play All I Need To Know I Learned In KIndergarden, one of the best plays I worked on. I was very good and the main song was terrific. I also have been working on a window display for the winter. Enough chat......I need to write.

Here I am writting at midnight,
Not knowing why,
I hate this song inside me,
I wish the pain would die,
I try to be with you,
And I'm pushed aside,
I don't feel you care anymore,
It's not a lie,
I've been in denial,
Now I want to be blind,
Of the stone in my chest,
With the power of my mind,
I try to vent out my anger,
But then I feel stupid,
I want only one thing,
The love I deserve, the stepid,
I gave my all,
I hate your face,
But then I want it,
My heart is in space,
Everything around me,
Falls down and seems to suck to,
When I am in this pain,
All I see is you,
In another's arms,
My life turned to darkness,
It surrounds my heart now,
Soon, I'll come out of knubness,

When will I move on?

Monster In The Heartbeat

This week is getting really stressful. I have the BHS play along with missing two days of classes to make them up, including Honors English, oh boy! It's going to be hard, but I will have to endure. I went to Jacqui's funeral today and it was sad. I got to see Mr. Rothe, my old band teacher that moved away, for the first time in a while. When they read some poems she wrote, I almost died, but I got through it.

Happy Halloween Yeah!

On this Halloween night,
I look at the fright,
of the fact of l'ange d'octobre,
and I think on the battle,
with her monster inside,
and how she had to hide,
she thought she beat the monster,
I just seemed to get heavier,
and at the end she didn't think she had won,
but through all that she suffered,
and all she endured,
she is now in a better place,
now I wonder if I could beat,
the monster inside my heartbeat,
or is it outside in reality,
I wish for her strength,
and a breath,
I saw her cry?

Again Happy Halloween

Quicky

Well I just hung out with my friend JP last night, and today I'm supposts to hang with Madeline. I'm starting to get into m imfomus Christmas mood. There is no stopping me, I love Christmas.

When will I learn to make good decisions,
When will I find my goal,
I am getting to old...

Regency Ball

Today went alot better than yesterday. Yes, people were still sad about Jacqi and it was memoed through the school, but classes kept going. Before we left they had an army band from Boston play and it was awesome. They were realy good and played all genres. Rock, Country, Jazz, even Rap! Then I had play rehersal and it went good. We are dedicating the play to Jacqi, and today we went over Act 2, yesterday's plan. The I went back the school to set up the Regency Ball. It was awesome!!! I was a Britian soldier under the direction of a mad King George. I arrested so many people it's crazy. I did great in my piece I played on the harpsicord, and we did a dance! It was really fun....I can't write anymore I'm so tired....

L'Angle De La Neige D'Octobre

........something happened today that was expected by most......and other than that nothing really happened except Regency Ball tomorrow....

A normal day at school,
poison in my lungs,
then the snow started to fall,
the message I felt in other tounges,
I had the feeling something was going to happen,
and I knew this was coming,
but I didn't think that it would today,
inside darkness, the death march huming,

Anyways I was on my way,
to play practice, oh joy!
gifted on my walk a "Frozen Wilma"
we were all happy, like children with a new toy,
we entered inside,
got ready to start,
but the air inside,
rooted at my heart,

Then Josh came in,
he looked like a stone,
I just though he was having a bad day,
I didn't know he just became alone,
I was in the fog for a moment,
blinded were my eyes,
until Karen had me sit there,
all of the cast were in sighs,

Then the director spoke,
with insecurity in tone,
"As you might know Jacqi just..."
everyone was then alone,
Some ran in the hall,
in hysterics in their eyes,
some turned into other stones,
thinking if it were lies,

Some surported others,
as their tears filled their soul,
others stayed in the silence,
trying to make themself whole,
some hyperventalated,
some almost passed out,
we were all moved,
with out a doubt,

Now she is in the sky,
raining down her goodbye,
she can now be more of an angle,
I'm so sad because....... she didn't need to be...thats why...

Jacqi RIP (1987-2005)

Winter Breeze

I just got back from my camp, and I feel great! I did a lot of driving and getting prepared for driver's-ed. I did ok, driving is pretty inviguating. I finally got to relax and get away. It's snowing right now, yes! FIRST SNOW OF THE SEASON! Sorry, I love winter so I'm kinda excited...

When I feel this in the air,
The wind and snow in my hair,
A feeling comes inside me,
Inside my cold lair,
I love the winter breeze,
While other people freeze,
I can feel the spirit,
and it sets me to ease,
I love the cold,
it will mnever get old,
When I don't feel the ghosts,
At my heart they mold,
I can breathe...

La Nuit Noire

This week has been extremely busy for me with the Regency Ball my English class is doing coming to reality. It's been hard, but my friend and I finally got the chandeller done that we were making for it. I'm going to my dad's friends camp this weekend in Upton. It should be a great vacation from good ol'Berlin and my school. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate what I love,
I'm sick of two years,
I envy what I have,
truth comes to my fears,
I hate my feelings,
these difects in my soul,
I am not happy,
I am not whole,
I live in la nuit noire,
where my burns begin to bleed,
and drip into my eyes,
then it begins to feed,
I must overcome it,
I must move on,
this "it" is a scourge,
that la nuit noire lives on...

The Adventures of Jones, Edward Jones. (But everyone called him piggy!)

This story Aly and I wrote when we were bored at camp, I want you all to enjoy it too! Read my other post for today to after this!

The First Chapter and The Last!

Once apon a time, there lived a pig. His name was Jones, Edward Jones, but everyone called him piggy! He was short, rounded, and pink from head to toe (or shall we say from his pointed ears to stubby tail). He lived in San Juan, Puerto Rico; but he liked to go vacationing to Gorham, NH where the weather was much cooler, so he would have an excuses to wear his favorite striped hat, scarf, mittens, and booties. His favorite part of Gorham was going out to eat at his favorite restaurants: Mc. Donald's, Burger King, Mr. Pizza's, and Pizza Hut, but the best part; he would hit them all in one night! At Mc Donald's, he would order a happy meal and the little toy would help calm him down if they didn't get the order right. At Burger King, they would have to make a "special" order and actually make a burger, actually they would have to make 22 and 1/2 to be exact. At Mr. Pizza's, he would get bacon pizza, but we call it "surpize pizza", not to scare him. Finally at Pizza Hut, well, he would just get another pizza! We just hope he will make a good "surpize pizza" for someone else, someday.

The End!

The Want For Floating

I have been defeated
By a link shaped monster,
It has haunted me,
It has defiled me,
My soul becomes weaker,
It has dug in my heart,
imbued me with surenity,
then it killed my heart,
it was bound by the very start,
I've lost my sanity,
I have become contradicted,
why can't I see,
the pain coming,
the anxiety coming,
I'm not even real to me,
I know what happens everytime,
but I still insist on plunging,
I get scratched up,
I get clawed up,
light isn't what I am longing,
I never seem to be happy,
I have to remind myself to breathe,
I can't control myself,
I don't adore myself,
I just seem to seethe,
the monster I never want to see again,
but I'm stuck in its reach,
I calling on the clown,
I'm calling on "Phantom",
Floating is out of my reach...

I've been at Jp's house this Saturday and Sunday hanging out with him, Aly, Catie, and Chels. It was ok, kind of boring and annoying. O well. I am going to post something funny other than this read it!

You Guys

Last night was really fun! Danny, Madeline, Nick, and some other of their friends and me went to Bean Street, our local cafe and hangout spot, last night. It was open mic. night so we got to listen to alot of people sing while playing guitair or piano. It was sweet! Then we hung out afterwerds at different spots until midnight. It was awesome outside at night last night because of the rain. This one goes to you people...

In the night of Berlin,
We'll deside to hangout,
And when I seem to do so,
I could never pout,
You guys let me forget,
About the pain inside,
we will have many laughs,
With you guys I can't hide,
Sure we might do many weird things,
Like hangout at Shaws
But you guys awesome,
You look over my flaws,
I don't care when I'm around you,
I can't see any stress,
Now I will congradulate you,
The pain seems to be less.

The Memories

This week has been hard on me with work. I had to learn a dance and other things for my regency ball, sell wreathes, deal with some people at school that I shall leave nameless, and homework. It has been long but it is over. I have nothing to do this weekend other than homework, I NEED PLANS. O well.

Deep inside,
its coming out,
I feel the ghosts,
I hear the shouts,
the calls of the spirits,
old inner feelings,
the pain has come,
where are the healings,
I can't take it,
I'm going to die,
I can't take the pictures,
the memories don't lie.
I miss this feel
but I also hate it,
I need this feeling,
but I wish I didn't.
I know I write how I feel
I wish I didn't have to write it though...

A Quick Breath

This long weekend was great. I hung out with my friend JP, who I really haven't in a long time. On Satuday we gamed at Anna and John's, Sunday we went to his church, which is like the coolest church in the world, and just hung out from then till Monday. He got me obsessed with this old PS game, Legend of Dragoon. It's awesome! Tomorrow at school is going to feel weird but I get to present my banners that Caramon, Tim, and me worked on for the past liike 3 months. I'm extremly excited about that. well time to write, it feels so good to finally write...

When the pain inside your heart,
turn around for a slight moment,
it's a quick breath of hope,
its hope's concent,
It might turn back to back to pain,
and bleed inside the sewers
the sewer that inflict dark poison,
the poison that seems to skewer,
but it was worth it,
to have the joy erode,
the block of coldness inside my soul,
I end on this finally node.

My Mind's Babble

Today I hung out with Aly and watched an awesome movie called Rose Red, another Steven King story. It was awesome, believe me! It made me think of things. I ready for this weekend, its going to be long. O well.

Looking at the night sky,
not knowing why I do this,
plunge me into flames,
It can make my mind abyss...
...here I go again, maybe I'll become numb and not feel the pain I know I will.
Who knows, maybe darkness will go off this time

Just Stay With Me

This weekend is going to be a long 4-day weekend. I have to read alot out of this book that I can't stand, Pride and Prejudice. Its the worst book in the world, they are not clear on which characters are saying things or talking and the wording is poor. Pretty much it is a badly done soap opera in a book form. then I have to go to my friends house and be a third weel to his girlfriend, you know who much fun that is...

I just want it back,
the feelings that I had,
I want you back,
I am so sad,
I hate that I have,
in order to feel the joys of the heart,
I have to burn it inside,
I don't know why I start,
I just want this to stop,
I hurts so bad,
i just want to kill it
It makes me so mad,
I want to be able,
to caress you in that way,
to have your warmth imbue me,
to have you to stay,
but all i get is poison,
trough your body and your tounge,
it burns at my sould,
and at my age so young,
others make it worse,
I want them to go away,
all I want to extract the poison,
to make you just stay...

The Cat's Court

Today I got my school pictures back....put it this way I have tot ake re-takes. Band's going good; I have to start selling Christmas Wreathes soon for Band trips. It is our fundraiser. Lately, alot of the time I have this weird feeling and I can't figure out what it is. It a feeling deep inside...
.....that I have wrote about......
......and I don't know why...

you seem to me that your happy,
I know it's true,
but deep down inside, my shadows,
I live to see it through,
you can't see me,
but I can see you,
the cat has the court,
I had it too,
it has the say,
the power of the drift,
when it catches it's prey,
my darkness begins to lift.
I hope it will be my turn
once someday,
to get the darkness under control,
to make the cat go away.

Dark Girl Picture

I'm trying out my new picture sender.

The Acidic Virus Code

Today at school was werid. I'm not in the mood for much talking, but I'll fill in later.

Inside my stomach,
an acid will erode,
my sanity, and my wisdom,
like a virus code,
it happens when friends,
turn around their ways,
start to take on new forms,
more and more with passing days,
I hate this acid inside me,
I want to just puke it out,
I hope that someone will understand me,
the fact itself I doubt,
the virus code will keep deleting,
all the memories that I've had,
untill all that is left,
is a feeling colse to sad,
lonliness

P.S. Madeline if you read this tell me what happened on Saturday.

Your There

When I am down,
and I don’t know what to do,
when darkness takes my soul,
I seek advice from you,
You let me vent out,
you understand most I say,
you will try to help with my problems,
either November, or today,
you ask me for advice too,
when your heart starts to cry,
I’ll always try to be there,
when all you do is sigh,
I’ll always be your friend,
as you will always be mine,
just give me a call when you’re hurting,
and I’ll try to help you till your heart starts to shine.

Happy Birthday Aly

The Bottom

Everything's dark,
where is everyone,
where did my happiness go,
I am way past the sun,
I have this burning inside,
that everything piles into,
throughtout my friends changing,
and then there is you,
I just want to get rid of,
this scorching pain inside,
but nothing or no one can help me,
not even when I hide,
tt seems all I seem to do,
i write about this feeling I know,
I just can't seem to get rid of it,
this pain is really low,
People I love, don't,
People I won't, will,
I feel as if I'm just plan dumb,
nothing will seem to fill,
you don't see the feeling,
and you don't see me,
you are the cause of this feeling,
all you do is hurt thee,
I hate you so much,
but I can't help to feel,
the blood flowing through me,
this is one lopsided deal,
Your face tears at my eyes,
I want to just cry,
I can't control my emotions,
they seem to just die,
I want to erase,
my memory and fate,
you just don't see,
my passionate, loving, hate,
on the other hand there are others,
others that just bring me down,
they have no intution,
when they see a frown,
why do I complain,
am have I hit rock bottom,
I'm done for now,
my emotions are on the bottom.

The Speed Bump

Homecoming was better than I thought it would be. First, throughout the day I hung out with Alyssa and Val and we had some memories believe me, one being running over a cone. It was fun, and then we had to march in the homecoming parade in the band. It was cool and I was pumped for playing. Then we went to the bon fire and listened to see who's float won; Seniors did. Then I hung with madeline and danny and compan and thats about it. Going to the feild today to play, come see me if you live in Berlin 2:30.

My body is filling,
with this liquid poison,
and my heart is drowning,
without and reason,
I just don't know where to go,
I just want someone to hold me,
to love me forever,
I just want to see,
how do get through this endevour,
My soul just wants to be hole,
but I stand on the road,
looking at these figments,
as unwanted as a toad,
one of many pigments,
wishing that my mind would work,
My breathing becomes heavy,
my core tenses up,
my thought seems to chevy,
I'm stuck in a speed bump
and I need help out...

Vous Devriez Montrer Le Respect

Today was a long, tiring day. Not much to say. Homecoming tomorrow........joy.

You think you know everything,
and others are inferior,
you treat people with disrespect,
and drag into bad interior
now you had it to me,
you shouldn't have,
NOW you will see,
what I have gave.

Movie's of Old Ghosts

I was almost late for school today, so that tells you how my day kind of went. Marching woke me up though and I'm pretty bored right now lol. I'm thinking abouyt having a Halloween party this year. I love Halloween, I love the idea of it. If I had a party it would be great.

Thinking in the winds of time,
learning all that i know,
Does it seem to show,
in these eyes of thine,
I know its hard to breathe,
with heart-shaped rocks in your lungs,
I can't live without the tounges,
All day I sit and seethe.
Pictures run thoughtout my mind,
movies of an old ghost,
I just know I love you most,
out of everyone I find,
I can't seem to grab ahold,
of these ghosts I hold inside,
all they seem to do is hide,
making my heart grow cold,
In the frezzing section of my soul,
the deep sleep cries,
As I let out sighs,
The ghosts are there, tormenting my soul.