Final Bow

Today at school was normal...

You finally went to get your freedom,
You are gone from my grasp now,
You will now have a full-life of the ox,
I have taken my final bow,
You now are away from darknes,
and within your out your shooved me more in,
now I will make black return,
to the stuff you crave,
The robed man spke,
the one who deserves to win did,
but still it is bad for you,
I am not going to kid...

Into the Dark With A Beat

We had a two hour delay from school today. School was like running the gauntlet. O well.

Inside of my heart,
this beat seems to bleed,
into the dark,
now it will feed,
down into gray,
where nothing moves,
it is now the time of reconing,
to make my emotions groove

Model of St. Kieran Banners

This past long weekend i have had Thanksgiving, finished the window display, and painted a London scene backdrop, along with hangout with friends and type a 9 page report. I has been great, but it is time to go back to school. Sigh...

Is It Gone?

Well I had a pretty good day today. In English, I got a really good grade in my soliqui. I also had a good time in band marching. I went home and then had a peaseful night.

Hopes are fading,
my pictures are drying up,
I can't see your beauty,
You hardy anymore say "sup",
I don't seem to care much anymore,
I think I'm out of love,
ethier to give or just for you,
Its gone like a dove,
I just don't feel the pain,
of darkness that much anymore,
have I gotten used to it,
Or is it gone before,
I had many changing things,
I can't see you anymore...

The "Pain"

Well last night was an experience. I was with some friends and we got into a car accident. I'm not talking about it. Here is a soliqui that I wrote.

I’ve woken up this cold morning, just to find the pain of betrayal and heartbreak that I was hiding from when I went to bed. The air is still hard on my lungs and my throat feels like it has to strain with every syllable that I try to spit out of my mouth. I sit down at my dining room table and I run movies in my mind, trying to remember what happened to make my life go this way. All I see over and over is just her, in his arms. That picture is poison which seeps deep into my heart.
It all started it seemed at my friends house. I was in a happy carefree mood, because she was there. She has a special aura about her that makes everything seem warm and calm. I was going to ask her finally; ask her this question that was burning in my mind; the question that will bind me to her light. Sure I was nervous, I mean who wouldn’t be. When you ask someone if they want to be your forever soul mate, to be fused together in love, the wrong answer can just shock and destroy a person.
Well back to the scene, I was sitting on the bed next to her, and everything was fine as it could be. Whenever she brushed up against me, I would feel it throughout my body down into my spirit. That’s when the “plan” started. My friend asked her to come with him to talk to her about something. I told my friend before that I was going to pose this question, and he said he would help by softening up the blow for me by talking to her. I though nothing of it; I knew my friend a long time before and he was extremely loyal. The key word in that statement is “was”.
After 20 minutes of waiting I decided to go and see what was going on. I was totally blind to what I was about to see, and I wish it would have stayed that way. Then I saw they were in another room with the door shut. I then started to become curious to my friends intentions, and I stealthily listened to them through the door. I then heard noises that tore at my core, and the words, “I love you so much” from my false friend’s mouth. I open the door with such power that the wind that followed was a strong as a gale. I then saw the worst picture I have ever seen in my life.
There was my friend lying next to her with gestures of love flowing through the air. They both looked at me like criminals that were finally caught, and they laid their speechless. I still don’t understand why my friend would think I wouldn’t see them. My body was stuck in paralysis, and just as them I could move or speak. Then with a devilish grin on his face, one that would make a sink crack, got up next to her and held out a green box. He opened the box and it showed a ring. That is when I discovered that box was a representation of the envy I had inside me along with anger. He said slowly, “Will you marry me, and become part of me forever.”
Then as if she shot a cannonball at my heart she responded, “Yes!” She threw herself in his arms, and that’s the picture I see now as I sit and think. Why does it have to be me that experience this pain? What have I ever done to her to make her cheat on me with my false friend?
My friend, that person that brought the anguish to me, he will pay. That person with his wicked grin, with his iniquitous arms will pay. I know why he asked her to marry him, not for pure love, but for money, and only money, because she is from one of the riches families in town. He experiences the love I did, only to gain her fortune. I have been unmasked to his true intentions, and believe me he will wish he didn’t. They are going to elope tonight, and I will stop them. I will open her eyes as my friend did mine, and I will tell her of his intentions. Then he will pay for the pain, sadness, and rage that I have experienced. He won’t be able to take it. He will crumble under the throbbing feeling I am having now. Then, I will decide if I can forgive her. If I could ever get that close to her again and forgive her from her part in my pain is questionable. I will not let my friend’s “plan” succeed, even if it costs me her.

My Witches Cave From The Play "Snow White"

Well yesterday after working on the window I went to see the Gorham Players Production of Dr. Jackle and Mr. Hyde/Jolly Roger. It was very good, and I hope they had fun doing it. Today, were are finishing up the window for when we set it up Wednesday. It is looking really good and I will put a picture of it up on my blogger. Don't have to much time to write today, so I will try a picture.

Watching This Scene

Today was a bad day. It started out today when my friends were really annoying me this morning, exspecially my friend Emmit; he can be childish sometimes. Then in English I was getting mad over nothing; its so trialing. The rest of the day till Economics was ok;then I screwed up my oral presentation. Then I band Alyssa and Toby were being, well to be blunt, were being ass-holes. I'm so sick of school and it isn't even December. I want December and then summmer to be back with Theatre North. They didn't give me a hard time each day. Let me finish in writting...

It seems every day is a challenge,
You are there to oversee,
I go through so much filth,
Over just being me,
I'm starting to fall,
And you are watching this scene,
Others are harrassing me,
then they call me mean
ME out of all people,
who tries to be nice,
And You sit and stare at me suffer,
My heart turns to ice,
I just want to go back,
to when I was care free,
with you by my side,
I could just....be

I Need A December Vacation

A lot of school work has been going on, not much time to blog...

Days at school get longer,
harder to survive,
all the reports and exageratted grading,
I don't know how to strive,
Would it al change if I had you?
would it make a diference if another went away,
our maybe I need a vacation,
from the trials of everyday,
it's hard to wallow,
through poison and stress,
homework in there to,
it is all a big mess,
I just want December to come,
I feel it wil bring happiness,
less trouble and heartache,
All I need is less..

P.S. Madeline tell me when the Gorham production days are; I want to go to the play.

Darkness' Anti-Warmth

Well, so far this weekend I've hung out with Alyssa and Val, JP, and Madeline, Brittney, and Tyler, while juggling tons of homework. Its been really fun, stressful, scary, crazy, and kind of ok. I still have Economics, one of the most boring classes in the world. I still have to finish some notes once I am done blogging. Sigh! I also went to Wal-Mart(wow that was random I'm just going to write now).

The feeling of warmth,
I get in this place,
The feeling of the gods,
that I can't replace,
this wounderful heart candy,
that I get through skin,
nothing is as magical,
as the darkness I'm in,
It will go to someone else,
I know it is coming,
I just seem to continue,
My heart keeps on drumming,
I know it is poison,
Why am I addicted?

I Have To Make It Yeild

Today I worked on my window display some more. I'm so excited about it.

It is just a mask,
to cover the truth,
the poison will seep in,
into my youth,
I have to make it yeild.

And Yet

Today was my first day of economics. It is going to be a really hard class, but I hope to learn a lot at least. The quizzes are going to be a big challenge, seeing as he is weird about them. School is starting to get a little tiring. I need to go on a vacation.

Lately I've had the poison,
going through me everyday,
and even to this moment,
this feeling won't go away,
I did it before,
but I need assistence,
I need to move on,
or I might lose exsistence,
I hate this so much,
I start to hate everyday around you,
Every sadistic moment,
And yet, I love you to...

Surrounded At Midnight

This weekend was mainly focused on the play All I Need To Know I Learned In KIndergarden, one of the best plays I worked on. I was very good and the main song was terrific. I also have been working on a window display for the winter. Enough chat......I need to write.

Here I am writting at midnight,
Not knowing why,
I hate this song inside me,
I wish the pain would die,
I try to be with you,
And I'm pushed aside,
I don't feel you care anymore,
It's not a lie,
I've been in denial,
Now I want to be blind,
Of the stone in my chest,
With the power of my mind,
I try to vent out my anger,
But then I feel stupid,
I want only one thing,
The love I deserve, the stepid,
I gave my all,
I hate your face,
But then I want it,
My heart is in space,
Everything around me,
Falls down and seems to suck to,
When I am in this pain,
All I see is you,
In another's arms,
My life turned to darkness,
It surrounds my heart now,
Soon, I'll come out of knubness,

When will I move on?