Your Spirit In The Twilight

......I pray you'll be our eyes.....

I walk out of the house and look up at the star-speckled twilight

......and watch us were we go......

I used to believe in you as a child,
but now I believe in something greater than you,
I believe in your spirit

......and help us to be wise....

your spirit brings joy, love, relation, and relief to the world
and we need that the most.

....in times when we don't know....

I might not have gotten what I deeply wish for,
but I have gotten something I don't deserve,
Something beautiful that can not be just rapped in bows,
I have be given love

...I pray we'll find your light
and hold it near our hearts....

Please spirit, fix the world to be a better place,
show the arrogant the truth,
show the hopeless some light,
show the masked a friend,
show the bitter true love,
show the hurt a way,

.....when stars go out at night...

That mysterious twilight

....when shadows fill our day....

show the spoiled need,
show the blinded your glow,
show......

....lead us to a place
guide us with your grace....

....a new world.

...give us faith so we'll be safe.

MERRY CHRISTMAS
JOYEUX NOEL
FELIZ NAVIDAD
AND ANY OTHER WAY IT MAY BE SAID....
.....WITH LOVE

What Do You Do

What do you do when the Christmas lights seem to fade?
I am sick of writing lachrymose poems.
What do you went the raucous air shows monotony?
I don't know where to go.
What do you do when every song on the radio is the same?
I don't know who I am anymore.
What do you do when old friends are hard to speak to?
I am falling into the void.
What do you do when your days run out of excitement.
I am turning 17.
What do you do about people with a overabundance of hubris?
I have rectitude as I lie.
What do you do with quixotic dreams?
I wish I was covered with a blanket of stars?
What do you do when the questions don't get answered?
I don't know that answer...

Phantoms of Wise and Nefarious Kindness

Surrounded by phantoms,
some nefariously kind,
others sympathetically mean,
Recurrences of what I have already seen,
my life is full of these,
I can't understand what they're purpose is,
Will this ever be his?
Unsureness of happiness,
like a danging carrot of paradise,
this is not the actual idem, but the love,
a forever lost, pure dove,
They tell me I should do this,
and expect me to do that,
They don't understand my want of freedom,
does the secret lie in an ancient tome?
Going now to a place
where more phantoms lie,
they see me as foreign and unwonted,
should all of this have been prevented?
Like an exhibit enclosed in the glass of youth,
the wise phantoms think they can see,
I just wish for my future to unfold,
a story that is still untold,
Am I cared for or just agknowlegded,
as a pupil and nothing more,
another stick in the road of Life,
containing the usual amount of strife,
Mystery, magic, they interlock,
all I want is some amount of faith and beauty,
but what people want they don't always receive,
I guess all I can do is believe...
....for how long shall I believe?

Just Stir

What is this feeling
inside of my heart.
I am not sure when it will stop,
or when it did start.
Is it the feeling of rejection,
or being ostracized by your loved ones,
is it the threat of a madman,
who probably has multiple guns.
Is it the plague of hopelessness,
that your life seems trite and gray,
This ineffable feeling,
what it is I just can't say.
I want it to be gone,
and be replaced with unbridled joy,
i am sick of this feeling,
all it does is annoy.
I am sick of everything,
everybody, and every thought,
it seems hard to remember,
how much I have actually got.
No stopping the train,
life goes on,
from each lonely night,
to each painful dawn,
No matter how much better I become,
or how much more I learn,
I can only see a dark day,
with a vase and an earn,
This feeling inside me,
that turns all into a blur,
I'll have to keep fighting,
just move, just stir.

Fusillade of People

A fusillade of anger,
enters my mind,
why are these people,
still kept inside,
when they steal and mooch,
and wear you down,
lie to your face,
obtain so much pride,
I don't understand it,
why can't they just go away,
Am I just being irascible,
or are they always in the way,
They are envious and twisted,
hubris in their view,
only care about themselves,
why are they here to stay,
I don't wish them harm,
or wish they would fall,
I just wish they would live a life,
away from it all,
I can go through mine,
and the same for them,
we would both be happy,
what is wrong with that all,
A fusillade of people,
around me all day,
their arrogance, their myopic view,
why don't they just go away???
....?......

Fellowship

Well today is the last day of my Thanksgiving weekend. It was a very good weekend; I saw a lot of my friends, I under went a lot of adventures, and today I am about to finish reading Moby Dick. I am so happy that I am about to finish that boring, trite, yet deeply meaningful book. Hey if Ahab can be a unholy, godly figure, the book can be both dull and exciting. Why not.....!

I start driving down the highway,
with all the strife that I might have,
the sun starts to descend,
and the world starts to halve,
I start to drive down the dirt road,
anticipation running through my chest,
I see them down the road walking,
the feeling to come is the best,
this "mini family" loves,
this second home surrounds my soul,
I learn so much, I feel so much,
without I would never be whole,
I can see after,
I can breathe better,
I know I have another,
The stone of agony gets lighter,
at the end of the evening,
after the fun and games,
I quit with a sense of fervor,
and a thought of one name,
You give me so much:
knowledge, dreams, and faith,
and that feeling in my heart,
that I have this "mini faith"

a "mini family, no fellowship to love.

Connected Christmas Song

Today I worked on the float for this year's Parade of Lights, which occurs tonight! Our float isn't the most impressive, eye dazing thing in the world, but it will surely do. It is going to be a fun night!

So on my way to float building I listened to a Christmas song on the radio. I have heard this song before, but only til today did I really find a deep connection with the song. I am going to post the lyrics this evening and I will highlight the parts that really are attached to my heart. Enjoy: My Grown-Up Christmas List.

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you with childhood fantasies
Well I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream
So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, ooh
This is my grown up christmas list

As children we believe
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath the tree
But heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal a heartached human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, no
This is my grown up christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart (No more torn apart)
That wars would never start (never start)
And time would heal all hearts (ohh..hearts)
Everyone would have a friend (one would have a friend)
And right would always win (would always win)
And love would never end (never...never end, no)
This is my grown up christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown up christmas list...

~as sung byKelly Clarkson

Please Tell...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!


How do you know the right thing to say?
How do you see the sun in every day?
How can you think of some many good ideas?
How did you survive through so many years?
How do you deal with those who encumbered?
How are you so excited right after you have slumbered?
How do you control the maelstrom in your brain?
How do you seem to not be garnished or have a stain?
How do you imagine all of these majestic worlds?
How do you take all the stress and unfurl,
How do you do it.....that is be you?
Please tell.......I want to know too.

Simplicity

This weekend was a very excitable one. Friday night, after doing a "butt-load" of homework, I went to Cole brook for the Stay-awake-a-thon. I had to stay awake all night long in the Colebrook school; there was a dance and many other activities. It was a lot of fun! Then, I helped Tim out with a concert he put on at his house. The chamber players that performed were extremely nice and fun to talk to. After all the crap I went through this past week, it is nice to have this precious weekend.

The song of a bird,
flowing through the breeze,
The midnight air
with it's crispness and freeze,
A snow flake falling down,
onto the solid earth,
An announcement in a crowd,
to introduce a birth,
A cozy night by the fire,
that you never want to leave,
The favorite shirt of the bunch,
that fits just right at the sleeve,
A prayer of hope,
from a child a his bed,
A sparkle in the eyes
of a crush's head,
The scenery of the world,
that is the background of everything,
A cup of hot chocolate,
and the warmth it will bring,
All of these priceless items,
are the simple things,
that we all find in our core,
that form into our wings,
They are savors that save us,
from the moments that we dread,
the arms that warm you,
and turn your heart back to red,
I have forgotten how these simple things,
feel inside of me,
and I will never forget,
and I hold them dear to me,
Out of all the simple things,
that one that gives you the most,
is a friend to love,
and to hold you close......
....remember.....simplicity gives everyone the greatest thing of all...that warm feeling in the heart.

Lost Gremlin

This weekend has been crazy! I am going on three hours of sleep for the past two days! I am just getting to the writing...

I enter a lovely place,
seeing a lost gremlin with a grin,
he's taking away someone,
you hold dearly within,
I wouldn't mind a prince,
that could sweep her of her feet,
but this dwarf of abuse,
those standards he can't meet,
She starts to catch his presence,
fall under his embrace,
the mask he is wearing,
covers more than his face.
Then you find out his history,
these catacombs of the past,
how they haven't changed very much,
and his embrace will not last,
This monster only wants,
to taking away her virginity,
something you only have once,
weather you think it is useless or purity,
Now the devil's plant comes on stage,
during the production of "The Ass"
she is starting to become bewitched,
by his sincerity that won't last,
spontaneity and flaunting,
have a fine line in between,
Have you really crossed it?
It is what is seen,
please everyone in the world,
think of your friends that love you the most,
and then think if hormonal status,
is becoming to make you a host.

A Chance

I have gotten over the feeling I wrote about in my last post. School is going at a consistent, mundane pace. I am excited for my friend, Janel's, party this Friday. It is going to be a blast.

Looking up into infinity,
wishing for the chance,
to have my arm around your torso,
to even catch a glance,
to feel something in my body,
flowing through my veins,
to feel the warmth of a body,
instead of these cold chains,
I want to be able to know,
I can love, and be loved,
I think it turns from want to need,
I just need to be loved

Thesis On How To Find True Happiness Written By Someone Who Hasn't Found It In Themself

So the High School play has now come to a close. A new self was discovered and other old shells were lost, but overall a wonderful exprierence was gained. I am also past the business stage and I now have more time. It is hard to decide if this new span of time is a relaxation point or a hole containing a void. Whatever it may be life rolls on...

Lately I have been feeling this strange emotion. Whenever I go to write, whether it is a poem, essay, math problem, I feel this writer's block inside of me. It is like I feel that everything I write is complete dribble or hypocritical with some past action in my life. It is also going from my writing to my speaking as well. I sit at my computer desk and rewrite the same sentence over and over in so many different ways that I have run out of grammar patterns to follow. I feel as my writing seems to go nowhere or doesn't totally express what I want to say. Even as I write this I want to change things. I feel stupid and maxed out. I want to just procrastinate and slack of, no matter how much work I put in it hasn't paid off yet. Well, that's no true....I have a lot that I have gained, but I just don't seem to care in a way. Is this selfishness? See, here I go again questioning myself, looking for the answer in a person who doesn't even know.

Everything is changing and it doesn't feel like growing up. It feels like growing down. I feel as all my beliefs are scattered, all my dreams are changing, all my wants transforming, all that I knew I have subconsciously choose to forget. I feel like a toy to some and a loved one to others and the next day I will feel different. Is this the process of growing up, I feel like I am growing down.

I try to remember all the happy times in my life and as time runs by they become foggier. I have become more forgetful and louder. I am mad at myself, and I am sad to myself, but I am happy to everyone else. Why? How?...

...I am going to work again on my paper for English. I am writing about how you can find true happiness. I am telling people how I think someone can find happiness, and I haven't even found true happiness myself...

Is It ..?

Sorry about the timespan. I have been extremely busy with the two plays. I just finished the play All Because Of Agatha, and I am on the production week of Don't Rock The Boat.

Is it really worth it?
This stress and this pain,
for you to do back flips,
for a simple, little gain.

Is it really trying?
when you say you have no more time.
Yet, you complain every moment,
all at the same time.

Is it really love,
when one gives the orders
the other reduced to a puppy,
no refuting, never disorders,

What are the contenances,
that effect the fabric of sight,
in the light of the day,
or the dark of the night,

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sick

I am so sick of writing about pain,
the vice squeezing my jaded heart,
this vice makes me want to vomit,
it has done this from the very start,
people only focus on the bad,
and use it as a template through life,
it is sad, life is wasted,
all to pain and strife,
what happened to the beauty of life?
where did it go?
why is life so hard?
maybe, I will never know,
I am sick of pain,
I am sick of this feeling,
I am sick of the incompleteness,
I am done with this feeling.

Inquiry of Past Beliefs

What is the meaning of life? Lately, I have been pondering that question as it is a toy for my brain; also as my brain is a toy for that question. Is the purpose of life to follow our own dreams or accomplish the stereotypical goals of America. I use to always be able to answer that question with the first response I gave in two seconds, but now I am just not sure.
All I want for my life is to be free to express, create, and follow my dreams. Being a millionaire or celebrity just doesn't make the mark of a consummate life. Yet, without money, people can't experience traveling, supporting a family, going to restaurants, etc. I always thought money shouldn't matter in the real prospect of things, but am I just being ignorant to the reality of life? I am just not sure.
Is wanting people to care for you as much as you care for them being greedy? Is questioning why we are here on this Earth a useless inquiry? It is not just confusion; it is fear and pain of this confusion that is guiding me in this post. Like something was inflating my chest until it burst, this fear grows inside me. Why can life through some eyes be sublime and the next day lackluster?
Why do beliefs change, and why does this hurt? What are people really thinking inside their heads? Why do we sometimes feel...incomplete?

Feelings Lost in the Drama

Yesterday, all day, I worked on the set for Agatha and today I am up to my nose in homework. BLAH............what else is new.

I am sick of feeling down.
I am sick of thinking so.
I am sick of see when
people are high and low.
I am sick of working hard
and getting a slighted payoff.
I am sick of having to deal
with contempt and scoff.
I am sick of the feeling
of my feelings not heard
But most of all, I am sick of having to worry
about the drama of this world.

Gray of The World

Outside in this air,
where I wall, listening with this forbidden ear,
I am not afraid of the gray of this world,
but how my own skin blends with it, I fear.

Today was a ok day. School is getting really bland lately and I wish that something a little less gray would occur.

This Shell

As I stare into the mirror
I see a silhouette,
of someone who has gone through a transformation,
caused by someone gladly met.
This new shell,
contains more, yet the same,
of what I have known to be,
all of what makes up the mundane,
This void inside me,
eats away at my faith,
but trust is refueled by assumed love,
I have passed my eighth,
Look outside at the golden air,
and wonder why my skin is so gray,
How someone can feel like they are running from the unknown,
each and every typical day,
I don't know what to do anymore,
I am lost in my own self,
if this shell is ever going to hold something,
I have to get a hold of myself....

Plastic Paradise

Ahhhhh....yes back to blogging. My life has been extremely hectic lately with school, two plays, dance class, and all the other loving things, good or bad, in my life. Today I worked on the set for All Because Of Agatha and on Monday, my friend and I are going to Concord to a stage management workshop. I am extremely excited for this workshop that my euphoria is bubbling out of my brain. I has also been my friend's, Aly and Keith, birthday this week. Anyways, time for writing!

A plastic paradise surrounds me,
and I, behind a solid glass wall.
This wall is called insecurity,
and my sanity it has taken it all,
My heart see so much pain,
pressure and stress.
Shouldn't it have lost hope,
maybe it still loves, I guess.
I have so much I love,
and still the things I loath,
still overtakes me like a tidal wave,
My heart isn't red, it's mauve...

"ion"

So I finished getting all those quotes for my report. Sigh.. Today I might be working and then going to the Theatre North Annual Meeting. Then the week goes on...

Vexation,
Depression,
Regression,
Submission
Infliction,
Conviction,
Ambition,
Condition,
Tradition,
Volition,
Intuition,
Demolition,
.....Rebirth....

Forever Held By Dour Hands

I am now sitting here working on my oral presentation for English class. I basically have to reread The Grapes of Wrath and I am guessing it is going to take me all day, and I can't do it later because of the million other things I have to do. I really shouldn't be even blogging, but I need to write and release some stress before I can more on.

It flows through my veins,
this feeling of doom,
that all will be taken,
from hands derived from gloom,
These dour hands,
I have embraced in a handshake,
now I would never touch them,
For my own sake,
I feel as if I tell you the truth,
an obvious statement,
that I want you out of my life,
All hell will hit the pavement,
you would take away my friends,
companions and people I love,
by twisting my words,
using your hands in "lying" gloves,
You will make me the villain,
disguising the rogue you are,
I will then be alone,
with a deep, vicious, scar,
So I don't tell you to go,
and you stay in my life,
cause me still pain,
giving me anger and strife,
you may have seemed to change to some,
and I commend you for trying,
but deep down in your selfish heart,
I know you are lying,
So either I lose some I love,
or I keep you forever,
with all your foolish games,
for infinity they will sever,
deep into my sanity,
till all that's left is wrath,
I know I am better than anger,
I have to on my behalf,
Chained to the waist with you,
along with the shackles of school,
I now sit on my computer chair,
remembering how I was a fool,
please don't hate my judgment,
and you don't have to agree,
I need to be free of those hands,
in order to start to become free.....
...............................................and live my life just being me.

I needed to get that out, in order to be free.

Only Reason

Sorry I have not blogged in a while. I have been extremely busy with school, what else is new...

You only live when you give,
you only sigh when you cry,
you only hope when in doubt,
you say hello and then goodbye,
you only dream when in desolate,
you only wish when your lacking,
you only smile when your happy,
you only sing when your longing,
you only dance where a beat is,
you only laugh when your having fun,
you only shiver in the cold,
you only sweat in the sun,
We all have a reason,
to do certain things,
I love only when
love wants to sing

Fall

As I watch on this jetty,
on the lake where you can see two fantasies,
The wind of Fall seems to blow Summer away,
and now the air is crisp, yet harsh,
and the summer was warm, yet tough,
I look apon my life with wonder,
and I inquiry myself,
"Why is it that people overlook the world around them when it is so sublime?"
"How can people feel all alone in this beauty?"
and my last question,
"When will I feel a season of true mystic, euphoria?"

The wind of Fall seemed to blow Summer away,
and with it something inside me, yet Fall maybe filled it up.

Drink

Last night I went to my cousin's wedding at the Bethel Inn. It was an night to remember, believe me. I am going to write poetry now; I am now at my aunt's house "dog-sitting".

Bliss and joy,
a celerbration today,
everyone is watching,
the bride and the groom,
with a little annoy,
my inner feelings stay,
everyone starts drinking,
all around the room,

The music stars a rhythm,
that people sway to in their core,
not knowing the caliber,
of what they are doing to themselves,
alcohol flowing in them,
they crave for more and more,
the high they are chasing is Excaliber,
What are we doing to ourselves?

Glasses fall on the dance floor,
people fight in a state of confusion,
everyone is stubbing around,
awaiting their final fall,
everyone thinks their hardcore,
I think they're fools in an illusion,
turning kids more mature than adults; sound,
the sound off them starting to fall...
....
..and everyone has another drink.

Touch The Stars

Tomorrow I am working with Tim. This weekend I am going to my cousins wedding at The Bethel Hotel. The first day of school is in a week and my mood fluctuates from excitement to nervousness. Oh boy...

Inside these corridors,
away from the horrors,
of the reality that lurks outside,
someone walks down a "high wire"
above insecurity's blazing fire,
as he decides if his life is true,
He wonders if there is meaning,
in the eyes he sees gleaming,
or if they are all insincere,
Sometimes he is a clown,
who is held upside down,
and then sometimes he is a saint,
He longs to be loved,
likes others who are beloved,
that seem to beleaguer him,
When he looks at the sky,
he sometimes wants to cry,
for he wants to just touch the stars,
When people he cares for,
go through his house door,
he sometimes has to hide,
He knows they love him so,
but he still has doubts, you know,
he thinks everyone has a mask,
Trust comes very scarce,
and his brain is sparse,
conclusions seem to have agility,
So in these corridors of his mind,
where it is hard for him to find,
the truth between life and living,
Hoping for some grace,
to come and take strife's place,
and he will then be able to touch the starts.

Just An Update

Just an update. I am going to my friend, Aly's, show tomorrow morning then working on the moose project.

Pour Toujours

Yesterday our family had a yard sale. It was very interesting. Then I went to a square dance; yes I know it was very random.

Driving down to a distant memory,
through infinite fog and rain,
always feeling this forever stain,
hopefully not for eternity,
As I make a couple stops,
I see members of my past,
We always thought it would forever last,
unknowing they were just props,
I finally get to my destination,
and I see a familiar friend,
I hope for forever, not an end,
to our double admiration,
Then we all go to the party,
I see you all as a family,
I want to forever know thee,
but I know it might be unlikely,
Love, passion, earning, other things I face,
all because I knew you all,
I will forever be this way, as I was small,
the future is going to make hace.

For More Than A Year

It has been more than I year since I have started blogging on those blog. I want to thank this blog, even though I know it is inanimate, for the ability to express myself in what I write, the relief it has given me in life, and the great works I was able to produce. I also what to thank everyone who has read my blogger (mostly you, Maddi) and has commented on my works!

ON TO NEXT YEAR!!!

Venus

Goddess of love,
the fate that I desire,
please bestow to me,
a passion, burning like fire,
I want to have someone,
to hold close and never lose,
to tell everything I am,
To have someone who won't abuse,
the emotion of my heart,
which changes like the wind,
so I don't feel like another
one who just sinned,
But what I want most of all,
from you, my goddess of love,
is someone to hold me dear,
that is all I dream of.

Désir

Hey y'all! I just got back from my camp. I took my friend Aly up there. We went school shopping and I bought The Fray's premier CD, How To Save A Life. It is extremely good. I am just going to post a picture of Lust, a homunculus in the anime FullMetal Alchemist. I don't feel to much like writting.

Enough Mercy

I just got back from working on the moose project. Yesterday I hung out with my friend Madeline. I haven't hung out with her in a while so it felt great.

It seems to never fail,
it will always be this way,
until the very day,
when I will be gone,
I can whisper or shriek,
it doesn't make a difference,
she still shows indifference,
to everything I say,
I hate having everyone,
think she is just a saint,
she has no restraint,
for when she says her thoughts,
I will not hear it anymore,
her frivolous contraversy,
I will give no more mercy,
I have had enough.

A Short One About You

This weekend was the Survivor Party, which is put on every year by my friends JP and Aly. It was fun, and I am extremely soar right now. Oww.......

You surprized me I have to admit.
You were so considerate it set a spell.
You check up on everyone.
You did very well.
Coming from a group of people
who aren't as kind as you,
I have to admit it was great
and all you were was just be....you.

At Last

Just wanted to quickly say.....


I FINALLY GOT MY DRIVER'S LICENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

.......at last

The Incubus

Tomorrow is the big driver's licence test day. I am hoping that I won't crash anything! lol!

When I am sitting in the darkness,
the corridors of my mind,
pictures that burn through the very view,
the pictures that I previously knew,
Movies that replay and revisit,
pure fright in time,
the thought of me losing false love,
is still painful affecting up above,
These movies also rewrite,
nightmares over again,
turning into the incubus,
the devil within all of us,
Be gone wicked spirit of,
insecurity and fear,
it is time for your demise,
I am through with all the lies,
I don't care about all the tries,
it will be you who cries.

The "Hidden Art" Of Ours

The play, Annie Get Your Gun, has finally ended. It was a good play, but at points the work was monotonous and the actually play is kind of boring and dull. I am working again on the moose project tomorrow and this Thursday I am going to take my driver's test to get my license. I have procrastinated long enough and it is now time for me to face my fears.

Hidden in places
where no one else can see
is where beautiful works of art
become into be.
I feel like a prisoner
shackled by chains of ignorance
set by people who lack understanding
all in a dense trace.
They don't understand that
there is a value to this "hidden art".
They all take us for granted
right from the very start.
So much of my passions
go into this art of mine.
It is the way myself is expressed.
The way my inner being will shine.
Maybe it is time
for some bastion in my ways.
Maybe I need to step up
in these next future days.
For if I want them to realize
what the respect we need to hear.
I don't care as much about myself.
I just want to make other points very clear.
The locked art with the chains
of ignorance and cloud
will one day find its meaning
in the hearts covered in shroud.

Make My Destiny, A Thing Truly Mine

Up in the sky,
my thoughts fly away,
leaving this empty shell,
alone as a stray,
wishing to be acquainted,
with someone I could love,
is something magestic,
and something I dream of,
now those dreams are flying,
along with others too,
and I am sitting here sighing,
not knowing what to do,
I have to pick up my own wings,
and teach myself to fly,
I have feet, let's use them,
and not let opportunities fly by,
I don't want regret,
a future ghost that is cold,
I want accomplishment,
when I grow tired and old,
I just need to pick up myself,
and my destiny sublime,
out of everything in this world,
it is the one of the things truly mine.

Plan Cruel

This past weekend I have been at my friend's, Janel's, camp in Rangley, Maine. The rest of the week I am working on the play/moose project. Here's another poem!

You are a wonderful person
with an abundance of humor,
You are a true friend
and I couldn't like you any more,
but when that person calls,
your voice seems to change,
your laughs become slim,
your thoughts rearrange,
He comes over and annoys you,
talks endlessly for hours,
he disrespectful to your family,
till everything goes sour,
don't put up with his trouble,
he is an ignorant, lazy fool,
you are better than that,
he is just plan cruel.

Best You Can

I'm back from the weekend at my camp. THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! I need some Berlin and friends time now big time.

Going to work on the play tomorrow and I am going to the tech. rehersal tomorrow.

Have you ever felt the wind caress your body so that the shell people call their skin becomes part of the air, which makes up a part of the mystic power that the Earth possess.
Have you ever saw one star in the sky and you felt like it was part of your eye and your heart.
Show yourself that you are part of the world and no matter the size of the part, play the part the best you can.

All I Want Is To Be Just Me

Going to camp against my own free will......joy.

Anger rise, patience shrinks,
all that I had is lost,
here I go, never to see,
all I want is to be just me

Where The Dark Truths Are Hidden

Over in the forest,
there is light and understanding,
not a point of prejudice,
no toughts of thoughtless judging,
but where I am destined,
a place were all is heard,
where eyes are always present,
where knives lerk for the right word,
the sublime is a mask,
for the deep dark truths,
that cause the air to become pungent,
and feast on the "youths",
the people who are there,
and only sincerely have each other,
want to only have their profit,
they stab one another,
I know this is kind of cruel,
but it is the verity behind shadows,
located in the eyes,
not a single soul knows.
Back in that forest,
where true innocence emits,
where my heart is imbued,
with the true friendship it hits,
that is were I have learned,
more than I have in my first 10 years,
now I have to be pulled from it,
with my eyes full of unconscious tears,
I know it is only minisucual
to the time I have left in life,
but it still hurts in me,
my heart filled with strife,
because it is my own blood,
that is totally contrary,
to my own beliefs and values,
that inside I carry,
These values I have learned,
I believe in the light,
others will not touch these precious morals,
and corrupt them with a distorting night,
I know I can last,
through the hearts without magic,
I just want to know,
if this may become utterly tragic,
for I am afraid,
that the light is fading out,
now matter the amount of reassurance,
I still have this frigid doubt,
This doubt hardens inside me,
like tooth decaying plaque,
I can't help it,
my brain is out of whack,
please let light pour,
on my desperate face,
and let me find true passion,
in that eternal, loving place

Wenk

Today I am working on the play. Tomorrow I am...I don't know?!?

Dragged down by the back

clenching the stone ground,

I find myself in attack,

without breath, without sound,

All they want to do is relax,

and they know all they do is fight,

always at the max,

I have lost sight,

Now all that I know,

this one thing is true,

I can't find happiness to go,

This I always knew.

Something; Someone

Still working on the play. Having a hell of a time. I am almost done reading my first book I have to read for Honors English 11. I am reading The Grapes Of Wrath. It is an "so~so" book. At times the wording is so magestic and others confusing and dull.

It seems like inside,
a cold zephyr blows,
down through the canals of
the heart that hardly slows,
it is hungry for something,
passionate and true,
something that is eternity,
rose red, not drak blue
something that could satisfy,
this vacancy inside,
something to vanquish the shadow,
so the darkness can die,
I just need something,
that I could have forever,
something; someone,
someone to be with...together.

Mes Amis

I HATE IT WHEN I LOSE THINGS I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN!!!!!

For better and worse
Realiable and true
I would die without them
Endless caring
Never Angry for Long
Devoted to Love
Something That Is A Need; not a want

This is to all of you that bring me one more smile in my life. Love ya

Channel 356 1/2 news ROCKS MY SOCKS

Wanting Me To Know

Inside of my chest,
I feel this odd presure,
is it a want covered over,
by ignorance this it is lesser,
It is not getting smaller,
but it doesn't seem to grow,
It just stays there inside,
wanting me to know,
never letting up....wanting me to know

Portcon!

This weekend I went to Portcon! It was my first anime convension and it was awesome. I saw alot of things and I bought alot of nice things it was an all around great time!

When You Must Be

When you know what to do yet fear holds you back

When you crave something and you start to slack

When you open up your heart only to find it dark

When you see a journey and you know you must embark

When you searched for something and it was just a lost cause

When you just go injured and you need a lot of gauze

When you know that you love but it is only one way

When you sitting in your house on a lonely, boring day

When you lost someone close to you and you couldn't do a thing

When you are broken inside and all you can do is sing

When something happens to you where you don't know what to do

When everyone is mad and they seem to blame you

When anything happens to you that may be dark and cold

that is when you must be strong, keep your light on, and be bold