"Tomorrows"-"Yesterdays"

Today was an ok day at school, but it got really cool. After the Music Man practice, I went to city hall to work on the stage extention for the play Natalie Needs A Nighty. Afterwards we all went out to eat at Wang's Restaurant. It was really fun!

"If you save all of your 'tomorrows' all you will have left at the end is a bunch of empty 'yesterdays'"~The Music Man

Grip Of The Night

Today was very sketchy. The school day itself was boring and annoying, and play today as killer. Let's just say Theatre North is the only set design crew for me.

Am I turning into what I hate,
or are you the one changing,
I......just don't know anymore,
the air around is fogging,
faces are turning to frowns,
and everyone is depressed,
I try to be the norm,
but everyone is surpressed,
I need to talk,
to someone that is wise,
and they can tell me what is going on,
in front of my blue eyes,
everyone is turning,
towards the side of the light,
but I seem to just seep,
into the grip of the night.

Again

Yesterday was the greatest. I went with Tim, Martha, and Linda to Cape Elizabeth to see Tim's godson, Chris, play in the jazz band down there. It was really nice and then we went to the ocean front. That blew me away. I have been tot he ocean before, but the rock coastline there was amazing and the waves were so dramatic and powerful they literally blew me away. Then we went out to eat at this very nice seafood restaurant. It was a great day! School today was nicer because I felt refreshed because of the trip. Play practice was a little hard, but it is cool.

Walking across the large rocks,
seeing the surf spray a white mist,
I feel rejuvenated beyond belief,
I feel my happy self again...
......I can feel the cool air again....
....And the soft warm sun......
........But most importantly.....
all around me....I feel love....
love from my friends and family......
.........And I can hope they feel it to.....Because I was at a point where I didn't feel it.......Anymore.....
......But now I do.......
.......Walking down the path of life.....
.........And it is wonderful too............

A New Host

Tomorrow I am working on the set for Natalie Needs A Nightly . It should be a nice time. Then I hope to have my friend JP over to spend the night and then Sunday I am going to Portland with Tim, Martha, and Linda to go see Tim's godson play in the jazz band. I am extremely excited for that trip, I can just get away and enjoy myself.

I just want to do my own thing,
but you are constantly there,
your presence mostly will sting,
form the fumes of a hostile air,
I just want to let you go,
but you don't care and will be,
there to just know,
how to get to me,
Just go and meet some new host,
to suck bone dry,
I'm dealing with an old ghost,
and I need the memories to die,
but you are there to make it harder,
for me to find serenity,
My pain keeps getting stronger,
with each loss of sanity,
I just want you to leave me alone,
to go bug someone else,
I just want out of my zone,
I have nothing else.

Angel Of Music

Today was ok. The actually school day was crappy, but my French teacher taught us how to do some dances and it was really fun. We learned the Waltz, Fox Trot, Tango, and Rhumba. The Rhumba is hard to get because of the hip movements, but I got the others. The rest of the day was hard to get through, but then play practice rocked! My friend Aly sang her solo today and it was beautiful! I am really proud of her.

You sang like I've never heard before,
I want to hear more,
I am so proud of you,
You are so true,
I know you don't think so,
but I know
you can sing like an angel...

Why Does Life Go On Without You

Today was ok. One of those days...you know.

Why does the wind blow
when I don't have your touch?
Why does the skin bleed
when thoughts are clouded to much?
Why is the air still cold
when you give me no affection?
Why is my heart still heavy
though this freezing rejection?
Why do the poison still burn
without the person that started it?
Why does the pain still exist
when I don't have your warmth, not one bit?
Why does life go on
without your love
and I die
without your love?

Doesn't Love Me Back

A lot has happened this past week. The St. Kirean Diner Dance, This "102" fever, and so much more....but I need to write.

Walking down the street,
the air is cold and sharp,
You hugged me when I left,
but I know it wasn't what I wanted,
When I am in heat,
over these pictures of you,
I want to forget you,
That is all I wanted,
but my body is addicted,
to your figure and grace,
I can't handle not being around you,
I love you so much,
I can't take it anymore,
Just leave me alone,
Ever since we met,
that summer night,
I thought you loved me,
and felt what I did too,
but you just injected me with poison,
again and again,
I want you to go away,
I love the one,
who doesn't love me back,
my heart is the hands,
Of the one that doesn't love me back...

Dance

Last night was really fun. i went out with Madeline to the Gorham High dance. I just let it all out and it was great. Madeline and I are the king and queen of the dance floor.........lol

I went to the past,
and felt the sweet pain,
then I went to the future,
and it went away....

thank you

False Love Reborn

Woa! new font! I desided to mix it up a bit. I like this font better.

This is in me,
a ghost of the past,
now inside me,
the pictures I love,
I can't see,
any happy days ahead,
all I can see,
is the joys of the past,
All this can be,
is a false sence of love,
I'll it wil be,
is a repeat of pain,
This is in me,
a ghost of the past,
reborn in me,
a love of you.

Is Knub

North Counrty practice today didn't go to well. Not many people showed up and it wasn't to orderly. Mr. Aresernalt, our new band teacher since Mr. Rothe, was being kind of annoying today. His demeanor just something about it is off. It is weird and I might not be able to get a ride back from it. Ahhhhhhhhh!

Inside me there is a weight,
hanging on my heart,
I can't seem to find my place,
I don't know where to start,
I know it is hard to live,
in a world of hate,
the only way away from war,
is to be and create,
I know it is hard to breathe,
when the cold air is inside,
I just won't let it in,
but it will not subside,
My body feels empty,
My happiness is knub,
I tremble in pain,
and then I am brushed away like a crumb,
I try to stand up,
in this world of hate,
I guess can't win,
I have to much on my plate.

An Emotional Homicide

Today was a pretty good day. My classes were really laid back and I had a nice time after school with my friend Aly. Tomorrow I have North Country Practice, which is on next Thursday.

I think I feel it again
that poison inside,
I will not hide
that poison will not again,
perform a emotional homicide,
I'll put my thoughts beside,
So I can forget you,
It might cost me my pride,
but I will not go down
in a emotional homicide,
In none I can confide,
My feeling are on the side,
the side of no return,
a emotional homicide,
My eyes have already cried,
but my soul hasn't died,
I know what I must do,
avoid a emotional homicide,
My destiny as my guide,
I will avoid this homicide,
before it happens again,
I will not be able to hide,
I know the effect of this ride,
this emotional homicide,
it leads to the death
the heart's fatal divide,
This is not going to happen
your poison will be denied,
with my body collide,
my emotional homicide.

Miss A Que

Today was an exhausting day. I had so many things I had to go to and do today it was uncanny. I almost had to be carried home I was so tired. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I need to go away on vacation somewhere, LIKE PARIS!

Have you ever had a time where nothing happened right?
Did you ever miss a que, get into a fight?
Have you ever felt like you were of a beat
from everyone else that walks the same street?
It seemed as everything you knew was brittle.
Everthing around you made you feel little.
I've had it all come before.
It came through life's door.
I wish I had more control.
A band that does not sound whole.
I've been there,
I should care.
The passion for living will not atrophy.
I will get life's trophy.
I need some time to heal
from scars from head to heel.
Others are there to help or hurt.
I will all turn to dirt;
in a wink of an eye
I will say goodbye.
I have to be strong.
Life is too long
to be living in strife
looking closely at a knife.
I have to be wise.
Love is my only prize.
I need to live.
I will have to forgive.
I will have to overcome.
Something can not be undone.
Everything is changing
as I keep rearranging.
No matter where I go
with my heart to show
I will believe in myself.
I will believe in myself.

Time Still Passes Without Control

Today was pretty good. I had a nice play rehearsal and drivers education class. I hope the homework isn't hard on me this week because it looks very busy this week. I say this every week......I have problems.

The wind still blows,
in this dark space,
the grass still grows,
in solitudes grace,
the air still burns,
when disappointment bites,
the world still turns,
in these lonely heights,
people still don't care,
don't see what's going on,
they will still stab and stare,
even when sanity is gone,
the day still ends,
and night will begin,
I still seek friends,
from max to min,
time still passes,
without control,
in all these masses,
I still am not whole.

"The heart may freeze or it can burn...forget regret or life is yours to miss."~Rent

This Is The Real Thing

Last night I watched a movie called RENT. It was really really good! The music in is was amazing and I'm going to buy it maybe today. Tomorrow I go back to school and get a huge wake up call to the world I left in the beginning of vacation. .....rapture....

Why do people drag around in the past,
where they could change it today,
I know how darkness feels,
one there, there to stay,
you have to stay strong,
and try your best to move,
because once you are stuck,
into a painful groove,
its hard to stop,
when your body does it fluently,
addictions, regrets,
take over quickly,
just be strong and live,
even if it stings,
life is not a dress rehearsal,
this is the real thing.

"No day but today." ~Rent

Complete

This vacation has been great so far! I got a lot of work done on the set for The Music Man I didn't have to drive yesterday so I was happy. Today I have to go take down the window display I built for Berlin Main Street. It is really going to be sad because it felt good going down Main Street and seeing something you made to make it less dumpy down there and say, "I did that!"

......I made it a better place to live

I have notoriety,
many friends that care,
my brain is very strong,
and theatre,
but I don't have someone,
to hold close
near
to love
and to be loved.

To have someone that will make me.........

......complete.