The Remainder

Today was a half-day in school. I thought it would be nice to just talk about my life, since I haven't really been giving a lot of intros lately in my blogs.

The thing that is ruling my life right now is school. This being my junior year, I have the toughest courses in the school: Chemistry and U.S. History. Both require a multitude of work and time. Although, I am learning a lot in school, and plus, I have some cool classes like Songwriting and Poetry. Next year, along with some other wicked sweet courses, I am taking Shakespeare and Drama classes! O fuckin yea! Sorry, that not really like me.

Play rehearsals for Once Upon a Mattress is starting to expedite. Along with the multi-stress environment comes incompetent workers and lack of focus. It is directing; what else is directing like in the midst of a show but stress?

Friends, let me say that I have a few that are wonderful. All of my friends input some level of happiness in my life. Most of my friends though have their vices, or I don't see them all the time (yes, I know I need to call you more Maddi, and I love ya). Some of my other friends are moving on. Isn't it strange how one day you are telling someone that you never want to stop being their best friend, and then the next watching them across the hall while in the process of changing. I feel that I have only a few people that are truly their for me no matter what: my parents and a few of my relatives, Tim, and the few of my friends who don't change personalities.

First, I want to say that my mother and father are truly Gods. No matter how wonderful, or unruly I can be, they always try their hardest to love, provide, and nurture me. I will admit, sometimes I don't give them enough credit. Being a teenager, innately I just sometimes don't understand them, but afterwards their start to make more sense. I love them so much; I know they have sinned and have some idiosyncrasies, both funny and vexing, but I would do anything in the world for them. Also, some of my relatives, like my Aunt Patti, give me this unconditional love. Some of my relatives I don't get along with because they are either to caught up in their fighting, hubris, or have different interests than me. Anyways, I want to thank my relatives that have given me so much, even though I might be most of the time busy.

Next, I want to mention Tim. I have no blood relation to this person, yet he is like a second father to me. ever since I have met Tim, I have grown as a person, inquired a wonderful skill, been imbued with a love for aesthetics, and obtained another true friend. No matter what foibles I have, Tim doesn't care. He is the perfect person to symbolize rectitude. Thank you so much Tim, you have made dreams come true!

Finally, I want to talk about those friends who no matter how much time or pain has passed, never change and really care. Madeline this definitely includes you; even though we hardly see each other, you still trust me with some deep things and never change the way you feel about me. You are one of my best friends because you don't change, ever. I have some friends that have promised to always be faithful, yet a year latter they are flaunting themselves around other peoples presences. My friend Aly is another friend that no matter that it has been 3 years since we started to be friends, she still care so much for me. We all have or vices, yet these friends I will love them past all of those evils.

If I could change anything right now, I think I would want to have people take me more seriously. I feel sometimes that people think just because I am clumsy and blond, that nothing bothers me or that I am someone who can be used. I wish that more people would get real to realize that I am a person too. Okay, enough introduction: here's a poem.

What was it like the first
time I met you?
Did we laugh, cry, talk—
I can’t remember.
Was it your striking kindness
and similarity what made you true.
Try to solve this puzzle:
Why am I now a remainder?

You decided that our promises
had no value.
You haven’t made the will
to call in four days.
So much for a best friend
to be there beside you.
I am oblivious and confused
by your ways.

Does he have the courage that I don’t?
Does he have just more to give?
Does he have that factor you were looking for?
I’m past the point where I can forgive.

When was the last time we talked?
De we laugh, cry, scream—
I can’t remember.
The weirdest thing since
you have walked.
I guess I don’t mind
being the remainder.